Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
