i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
