I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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