She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Randomize