Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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