I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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