everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
