pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
