Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night