I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.