can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me