I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..