how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis