drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
