i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.