I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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