It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
