Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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