I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
