You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
