Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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