we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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