if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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