the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
