Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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