I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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