kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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