you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
