wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
