I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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