Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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