take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
