Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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