Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize