I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Bring me that man meat
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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