I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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