If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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