I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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