she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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