just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
