the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
