If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
