I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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