What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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