so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
