I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
