Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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