i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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