I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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