okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
