Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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