If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
