My liver just broke up with me...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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