thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love having hate sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
