Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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