Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im six kinds of drunk right now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
