people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
