I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
