can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
