i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
