if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
