I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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