Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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