ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
