i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
