I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
