Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
