I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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