Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize