im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
tell me about the eggs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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