i was born a porn star she said
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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